Jesus Was a Shaman: Water & the Archetypal Feminine

If you’re easily offended, now’s a good time to exit. If, however, you appreciate intelligent irreverence, welcome! Because we’re about to get irreverent as fuck up in this bitch.

Jesus was a shaman. What do I mean? Go here if:

  • You’re freaking out about cultural appropriation
  • You don’t know what a shaman is
  • You need clarity on Archetypal Masculine & Feminine
  • You enjoy long, contemplative (denseAF) reads and are curious about aliens

Historically, shamans have held many roles within their communities. In addition to being healers and miracle-workers, they work with Nature and the Elements (Earth, Air, Fire, and/or Water) for a variety of purposes. This includes – but isn’t limited to – finding and using plant and animal medicine, even knowing how to locate flocks or herds of them so the hunters could gather food for their people. They’re known for having mastery over the elements. For more on this, you may wish to look into the book Siddhas: Masters of Nature by R. Palpandian.

Jesus: Master of Water

Back to Jesus: according to canonical texts, Jesus clearly had mastery over the element of Water, a distinctly Feminine aspect of Nature. Why do I say he had mastery over water? Well, he could walk on it, gave Peter an in-the-moment ability to walk on it, knew where to find the fish for food, calmed a whole storm, but my favorite miracle related to Jesus and water is this: he turned it into wine at a wedding. Why is this my favorite? Because his very first miracle had absolutely nothing to do with healing, resurrecting, or any other noble cause. It was purely for pleasure. And that is Feminine, my friends! But it gets better. I’d like to think the conversation went something like this:

Mom: “Son…this wedding has gone on for three days and the host has run out of wine. I’ve seen you do shit. I know you can give them wine.” ***winks***
Jesus: “Damn, Mom, I’m not ready.”
Mom: “Jesus! Do your mom a solid, make me proud. Let them see what you can do.”
Jesus: (rolls eyes) “Fine.”
***does magic***
Wedding Planner to Benedict: “Holy shit, dude! Usually the emcee waits till everybody is wasted and then brings out the Boone’s Farm or Two Buck Chuck. But not you! You brought out the best shit I’ve ever tasted after we got drunk as fuck!! Best. Wedding. EVERRRR!”
***stumbles back to dance floor***

“Universal” & “Priest”

True story. (If you prefer 2,000-year-old vernacular repeatedly mistranslated, check out John 2:1-11). Jesus’ first miracle…was to turn water into wine…for partiers who were drunk off their asses because they’d been drinking for three days straight (cultural wedding tradition of the time). And the only people who knew what he did in the moment were his mom and the servants/houseboys.

Jesus Was a Shaman

Therefore…Jesus had mastery over Water and that makes him a shaman! Not to mention all the healing and shit. The “miracles” he performed are typical of shamans and mystics, both past and present. You just don’t hear about them for many reasons. Foremost because this gets dismissed in the West as hokum. I’m not dismissing him or what he did in the least. I fucking LOVE it! It’s beautiful. But to me, this particular miracle stands out. He could have kicked off his emergence onto the scene as a rebel in so many other ways, like beginning with a resurrection or being seen by the masses walking on water. Instead, he quietly turned water into wine for people who were already drunk. This was about alchemy and pleasure. Plus…he loved his mother. He understood the power of the Feminine and honored her.

Archetypal Feminine Through the Person of Jesus

Speaking of gentle Aquarian sons who honor their Mom…best Mother’s Day gift everrrr!

Jesus was a shaman who had mastery over the element of Water, often associated with the Zodiac sign Aquarius and the “Age of Aquarius.” He told them things that were antithetical to instructions Yahweh had given them. Super destructive Masculine instructions like, ‘kill them all,’ ‘if you keep kids, kill the boys and take the girls as your wives…’ and other fucked up shit littered with psychopathic tendencies. Jesus, on the other hand, came at them with messages strikingly similar to Eastern philosophies (there’s a reason for that!), like ‘love your enemy.’ So, they killed him. He turned water into wine, walked on it, calmed storms, fed thousands, healed the unhealable, made the blind see again, resurrected the dead and they fucking killed him for it. Don’t mistake my words as negative commentary on Abrahamic religions in general. It’s not that at all. It’s straight up condemnation of destruction and domination of Nature and the Archetypal Feminine at the hands of the Archetypal Masculine. It’s not about men. It’s about dominion and it’s got to go. Jesus knew it and they killed him for it.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *